apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
