Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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