You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize