so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
