Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize