He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
