i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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