Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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