I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize