There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
