Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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