I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
