y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
