we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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