Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
