just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
