I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
