I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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