If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
