is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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