Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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