We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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