I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
