That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
