Dual....:-)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
