Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
