I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
