There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
