she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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