I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
