i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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