I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
