i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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