best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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