white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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