Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
