i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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