I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
