Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
