I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
