fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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