your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
