the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
