quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
