I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So here I am, sexting at work.
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