life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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