insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
