I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize