i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
