I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize