Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i think my cat just said my name.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
