I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
