i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Someone signed my nipple.
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