I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize