Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
