I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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