Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
