Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
