Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
