He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
