i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
