I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
