he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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